Rough for a reason:
I have a word that I know I should remember,
But I cannot say its name,
If I speak then it’s reality,
And I would have something to gain.
But change scares me as it changes my hopes and dreams,
Normally I’d advocate,
But in this case I’d decimate,
My love
For this unknown thing.
I’d wreck it all into pieces and run away until I am not seen,
Maybe it could just stay a dream,
And not become reality.
I know I must grow if I want to know you,
If I want for you to be with me.
If I say who you are,
Then I am defeating who you could be.
I want to say what I think you are,
But how should I know, you’re just too far,
From me for me to see how you can be,
Or how you are.
How you are undeniably.
I know that you could be described by one single solid word.
But if I remember all that comes with it I hurt.
You look like another that I once knew,
Physically you’re different but share those same shades of blue.
I’m not sure anymore who you are this time,
I’m breaking at your feet and I ‘m not so sublime,
If I knew who you were than I wouldn’t be lost and upturned.
But then why do I feel I know you so much?
You are something that I should name,
If I give you this name then you become a real thing.
Or at least in mind you become a sickness,
And I don’t think I’d ever want to be cured of you.
Or so I’d hope.
Unless you break my heart.
When you become known.
To make me alone.
So unsure, who you are anymore.
So scary, this mental box I’ve created for you and me.
If I try to remember something that never happened,
Then I know that I’d be crushing my hopes and dreams,
But if I name that something that hasn’t really happened,
Then at least I would know your name.
And have hope for a future that is to blame.
Let me change who I know that I am,
Change myself and rearrange.
I don’t have the courage to write your name.